Mum & I - Clara's story

​​Mum & I
​After four turbulent years of mum living alone in London with vascular dementia, we moved her into a care home in my village.  She, the glamorous diplomat’s wife, the life and soul, who had led an independent and colourful life all over the world, reduced to wandering the corridors in a state of confusion. Her distress is ours as she goes down the plug hole, her strength of character determined not to let go. It has been so important for me to seek out any possible nuggets of joy within this storm.

The power of music has made a big difference- as has our sense of being supported by the care home, loved ones and local network.

Over time, I’ve come to accept that mum lives on a secure wing and that however painful it is to see her in this way, life must continue and it is possible to bring joy and reassurance to her. It has been interesting to see that rather than looking back, she feels way more comforted by happy experiences in the present. 

The now is so important. The feelings generated by the imprint of all those she comes into contact with are real and I have learnt so many important lessons that have changed my own path pretty radically.

Whilst her brain slowly, but surely, tragically dies, I am learning about life. How to deal with the good, the bad and the harrowingly ugly. How key humour and joy are in golden-right-here, right-now- moments. The details of time spent together seem to be irrelevant; the feelings generated and imprinted till next time are everything.